My Story
My name is Brian Lundin. I’m a Christian, son, brother, friend, thinker and OSU Cowboys alum/fan – in that order. This is my blog, and here is my story:
On a Sunday morning in 1987 at a Baptist church in Tulsa, sitting in a rather uncomfortable beige padded chair, was a boy named Brian. As far as he could remember Brian had spent every Sunday of his young life in exactly this manner. Flannel board Sunday School lessons, being admonished for using the word ‘hate’, Bible drills and finally going to service in the gym because a new worship center was being built. However this particular Sunday would turn out to be a singular day in the life of this young boy. It was the day his story would really start, the day he would be born again.
The sermon was different that day; it had landed in Brian’s gut with a deep thud. The invitation beganand Brian’s heart was finally moved by the news that had been preached to him his whole life. Whether it was a point in that sermon, a line in the invitational hymn or simply the accumulation of teaching in his life is now lost in memories, but Brian tugged on his mother’s skirt and told her that he needed Jesus. Five minutes later, standing near the free throw line in that gym, Brian had confessed that he needed Jesus.
From that moment until his high school graduation 9 years later Brian’s life consisted of a few constants. He was torn between a legalism that was taught in his church and the culture outside the church doors and feeling that there was always a part of his heart that was not quite fully surrendered. Sin was just a fact of life for Brian. He developed an approach that worked, creating two different worlds and workinghard to keep them separate. There was a Church Brian and a School Brian. He walked a fine line, balancing two worlds, keeping them from spinning wildly out of control.
Freedom will tell you who a man really is. So when he moved off to college Church Brian went on hiatus. Except for brief cameos at home and around family School Brian ran the show. Brian learned about his natural, sinful state. Haunted by legalism and true conviction, Brian held to the rules. Of course, not the morality he had been taught, but his own rules. He held himself and others to ridiculous standards in some areas, and absolutely none in others.
His rebellion also took on a distinct challenge to his upbringing. His church had taught that any alcohol consumption was sinful. His reaction? Drink, and drink a lot. Blame the hypocrites. Feel convicted. Rinse and repeat. Any number of sins was swept away and excused because after all, isn’t that what college is for? Aren’t we all supposed to go on that grand journey of self-discovery and “find ourselves”?
Upon leaving school Brian chased two things relentlessly, one girl and a big career. Brian chased a girl who, in the still, quiet part of his heart he knew was not the right one. Brian ignored reality and chased a phantasmal love, one that was not what God has in store. In his career Brian was full of arrogance and accomplishment. The world was there for the taking, and that is exactly what he intended to do. He would take love, pleasure, wealth and control. Brian would master his own destiny.
6 years later one by one each of those plans and goals had fallen by the wayside. Brian was able to keep up appearances and lie to those around him, but he was a shell of himself in his quiet moments alone. He had not accomplished all his goals, and had found emptiness in the ones he had. The girl was gone, but only in the sense that he realized she was never there. He’d been chasing shadows for years, andthat realization was crushing. There were long conversations, sadness and tears. There was anger and envy. Sorrow. Resentment. Hatred.
It was in those moments that prayer came back to Brian’s life. It was then he started to remember the promises Christ made clear to him one day in a church gym. Brian picked up his old Bible, still marked in places by old church bulletins and notes from youth camp. He read about his deep sin, about the idolatry and lust in his heart. But he also read of his Savior’s love for him, of that deep abiding grace that he had accepted long ago, but had stopped relying on in his quest to grab those idols and hold on to them tightly. In that fertile soil of the gospel there were new things growing in Brian’s life. There were joyful conversations and prayers of thanksgiving. There was love and obedience. Repentance. Grace. Life.
Brian had discovered an identity that was not his own, but was given to him. The pursuit of the glory of God had taken the place of his arrogance. That may have looked like victory to those around him, but he knew the real victory had been won long ago on a hill in Israel, and his full redemption was still tocome on the day that he finally meets his Lord.
Until then, on Sundays Brian will be standing on a different basketball court, in a new church body, with his hands in the air praising a God who loves him.
